Panic

“I accompanied my wife to her 20th high school reunion over break... And if you ever want to venture into the lower levels of Dante’s Hell... Needless to say, I am thrilled to be back with you.” – Professor Smith

We had a Property exam review session last night and I am scared out of my socks. We have to know all the 150-or-so case names, this, that, the other thing... argh! I am PANICKING.

On the flipside of this negativity, this morning we had the single coolest law school class EVER. It was out last Contracts course of the semester, and Professor Maggs always spends this final day providing a “capsule” summary of all the material covered in the entire semester. It’s renowned among law students as “Maggs’ Last Stand” and lived up to its reputation. He walked in promptly at 9 and spoke nonstop, without-pause-for-fifty-minutes, brushing upon every single “watermark” (particularly important) case we covered all semester in one long breath. Then, at the very end, he said, “Thank you,” and quickly exited stage right to applause. A passage from Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix leapt to mind: “You know, I might not always agree with Professor Dumbledore, but you can’t deny he’s got style.” It was very, very cool. Or maybe my standards have simply been mercilessly dulled by months of interaction with endlessly dull people.

Uphill Both Ways

“What was that movie that girl did?” – Dean Hurd

Another packed afternoon. Contracts, Criminal Law and Property from 9-1:30, then writing at 3 and a Property Exam Review from 4-6. It’s overcast and gloomy and positively freezing (27 when I trudged into school this morning).

We received a few Criminal Law practice exams yesterday from Dean Hurd. Talk about scary. It’s a wonder I slept at all.

We’re talking in Criminal Law about Accomplice Liability... eeek. There’s two kinds of jurisdictions in terms of criminal charges in the US, ones that follow the common law, and ones that follow the Modern Penal Code. Basically, if you’re charged with just about anything in a court that adheres to the MPC, you might as well pack your things and prepare to be locked away for a long, long time. Wonder what Wisconsin courts follow.

I can't for the life of me figure out why the time on this Blog is off. It says I'm posting this at 9:30, but it's 12:30... and I can't figure out how to change it, because they've made all the options moron-proof and thus non-tweakable.

Not much to say today. Too worried and too tired.

The Fool's Hall of Fame

Happy 58th Birthday to Chip and Dale!

Hard to believe this is my last Monday as a first semester 1L. Things are really piling up. You’d think the profs would schedule makeup classes before the last week to avert the very crunching sensation that we are all currently managing to operate under, but I guess that's why they get paid the big bucks. I hope the week just soars, but I presume that would comprise an unreasonable request. Tomorrow is going to be awful – we have a full day’s classes, plus a Property makeup (my least favorite class), a Property exam review with the professor, and one with the TA's discussing model answers. Hrmph. But every time things start clumping, I remember a line that I cannot for the life of me recall the source of: “If it were easy, everybody would do it.” But it’s nice to see all the houses illuminated with Christmas lights – people around here really get into it. There’s one house on my route to school that’s always illuminated, white lights on all the bushes and trees outside and ringing the fence, plus they have a multicolor Christmas tree peeking through the window. It's so pretty.

I woke up this morning to a strange sound like someone shuffling around hanging pictures. Through my half-awake haze I estimated the time as around midnight and concluded that Mom was shuffling around hanging or rearranging something. A moment elapsed before I remembered my location and the consequential impossibility of this deduction. I shot up in bed like Zippidy bounding to attention at the sound of the treat bag rustling and looked around wildly before realizing that a spectacular thunderstorm outside had slammed some tree branches against my window. Although it’s supposed to be 58 today, it’s cloudy and grumpy and overcast and generally dismal. To cap it all off, I have a monster headache, to which I am typically not predisposed.

I never realized how many times a day I peeked in on my rodents to see what they were up to, or if the Kleenex was rustling to indicate an awake occupant. I miss hearing the constant whine of the hamster wheels and seeing little poufballs scrambling about in the corner of my eye, but they both seem much happer in their current locale.

There were a considerable amount of people absent from Contracts this morning. Prof. Maggs didn’t say anything, but he did hover over his seating chart at the front of the room with his Pencil of Death, eagle eyes skittering about and honing in on all the vacant seats. I’m glad to be here.

I have this little snippet of my Thanksgiving “break” that keeps flashing through my mind at random but alarmingly frequent intervals like a determined wind that keeps slipping through the cracks of a doorway, altering its position every time another gap is obstructed. Everyone says it’s a good thing I wasn’t injured in the accident but I almost wish I would have been skewered – maybe the other guy would’ve felt bad and decided not to sue. I’ve had that jangly, itchy, nervous feeling in my stomach, like anticipating a horse show, ever since that bloody attorney called this morning (at 8:01). It’s a particular annoyance because I just shook my anxiety attacks and now they seem to be returning in full force. I feel like the biggest moron on Earth – I ought to be shot on the grounds of sheer stupidity.

The Traveling Circus

Well, I turned in my memo! On time, too, natch. The rule is, papers have to be deposited in a plastic tub at the front of the class by 8:20 (no joke; she pulls up time.gov on the internet to lodge the official time) and once the cover snaps shut, you’re out of luck, end of story. I left the house this morning at 7:10 just to make sure (on the off chance that a train, overturned semi and twenty-two car crash banded together to impede my law career), which turned out to be doubly fortuitous because there’s a basketball game today and ferreting out a parking spot after 8am is like isolating the single deficient Christmas light in a string of five hundred. When we return from Thanksgiving, we have to present the content of our memos in oral format, speaking to our professor as we would a supervising attorney at a firm. Great. Oral reports. I thought I ditched those with Marquette. Anyway, now I’m all bleary-eyed, because I stayed up until 1:30 drafting like some crazed, basement-dwelling journalist under a gunpoint deadline. Then I woke up for one more rewrite this morning before lugging the best conglomerate of crap I could assemble for a ten-day sabbatical down to the car. Watch out, ladies and germs, here comes the Traveling Circus!

A surprising number of people are going to see Harry Potter; so much for “children’s books.”

I can’t wait for Christmas lights to illuminate the drives, and old-time Johnny Mathis classics to fill the air. It’s always exciting when Light 97.3 turns into “the Christmas Light” and spins only holiday songs.... Ali always goes bananas when “Feliz Navidad” comes on. I would nominate “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” as my favorite classic Christmas composition, as sung by Martina McBride if we really want to get particular, and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas” as my favorite modern one. Not that anybody cares.

Hope traffic won’t be too bad tonight, although I presume that’s just too much to ask. Just to totally agitate me, Professor Grant (writing) waited to post the sign-up sheet for the hitherto discussed “client meetings” until 2pm, while I sat trapped by my Property class. Thus, to secure a decent time, I'll have to swing by her office before leaving. I suppose it’s not a grand diversion in the scheme of things, considering I’m staring down the barrel of what will likely turn out to be a five- or six- hour drive, but I’m always so anxious to jettison, and my parking meter runs out right at 3. Ahh, well. It’s nice that I can worry about this type of thing, and not be consumed by larger concerns.

Hamster Popsicles

Almost a third of our class was missing from Torts this morning, presumably because of the open memo that’s due tomorrow. Apparently, I’m not the only one in a tizzy.

I love how every professor is giving us a laundry list of things we should accomplish over our so-called “break.” We’re supposed to finish our outlines by consulting hornbooks and commercial law summaries and preening a semester’s worth of readings for nuggets of wisdom, take practice exams, review our semester’s materials... oh! And don’t forget to keep up with the full load of reading and briefing! Have a relaxing holiday!

I was really tempted to skive off of Property tomorrow and leave early so I could beat traffic, but it turns out he’s going to discuss the exam in tomorrow’s class. So much for THAT idea. That’s what I get for even entertaining the notion. So after class I’ll have to zip home to pick up the rodents (because it’s supposed to be about 35 tomorrow, which is dangerously close to freezing, which is consequentially dangerously close to encouraging the formation of hamster popsicles. I suppose I could plop them in a little box with airholes and keep them in my locker during class, but that just seems inhumane... and anyway, they’d probably start squeaking and squacking and muttering and who knows what, with my luck... although they are nocturnal, so they’d probably never even wake up...) I do have to say I was immensely relieved to hear the little white one up drinking this morning; he can’t be that bad off, particularly if he hasn’t abandoned his nesting instinct.

The weather for the ensuing week seems atrocious. Forty degrees! Although, I suppose the time has come... unfortunately...

Can't wait to see my other little rodent, the slightly larger brown one.

Snowglobe

I just can’t believe it. Snow. Snow! Why??? I felt like I was walking to school inside a freshly-shaken snowglobe.

I have to attend a two-hour speech on frivolous litigation this evening for Torts. Can’t wait. I’m sure it will be life-altering and awe-inspiring.

Seeing as we’ve been filling out teacher critiques all week, I thought I would lodge some final notes about my professors, just for posterity’s sake.
Catch phrases:
i. Dean Hurd – “let’s unpack this” (i.e., let’s analyze what this means...)
ii. Professor Smith – “at first blush” (at first glance)
iii. Professor Maggs – “what does the Restatement say about this?” (a restatement is a publication interpreting the statutes and spitting them out in a slightly less legaleze format, emphasis on slightly. It’s broken into sections and subsections until you wind up citing something like “Restatement § 161(a)(1)(ii)(b)(2)...According to Maggs, the secret of life can be concluded and proven by a reference to the applicable section of the Restatement.)
iv. Professor Robbenolt doesn’t really have a catch phrase, but she speaks continually at a remarkable volume from her diaphragm – she’s new to this school and is used to teaching in giant auditoriums.
Notable habits:
i. Dean Hurd – (1) she’s so sharp and quick-witted she often runs out of breath spewing insights and thoughts out in one long breath until her words kind of break off. I imagine Einstein must have had a similar problem. (2) she always looks like she stepped out of a catalog, crisp and professional. (3) is it obvious I really like her?
ii. Professor Smith – both doors absolutely have to be closed at all times. If a student opens a door to frequent the facilities, he will pointedly stop speaking until he hears the handle click shut. And when he walks in, the podium he puts his notes on everyday has to be in its correct place, not on the floor in the corner, or he complains – it’s to the point that one of us will move it into place before class starts.
iii. Professor Maggs – (1) he clears his throat constantly, like he’s digging for clams (2) he will engage in these long pauses to collect his thoughts, to the point that we will all look up expectantly, wondering if he’s staring straight at us and waiting for our attention.
iv. Professor Robbenolt – Again, the auditorium-voice habit. Whenever she’s going to say something important, her voice deepens and increases about three decibels.

I was really looking forward to a 10-day class break, but now I’m kind of dreading it. I have so much to memorize. So much to organize in my mind. So much to read. To review. To this, to that.... and no matter how much I do, it will seem insufficient, I’m sure.

I was really concerned about my hamster, so I dragged him out and put him in the little pen last night. He scrambled about like a banshee for about twenty minutes, digging, poking little pink paws through the bars, attempting to climb out, and generally expressing extreme agitation that a sick hamster would not be capable of, so I am quite comforted. The one thing I did notice is he is quite plump – he used to be the little, skinny, ratty-looking one, but now the grey one’s trim and in shape and the white one’s the putz. Hmm. Maybe he's depressed about the weather. That would certianly be understandable.

Wednesday, Part 2

Well, slap me silly. Before Property today, class was all aflutter discussing how they all wanted to get into the ADA Statutory Interpretation class, but that was apparently the most desirable section, and it filled up within fifteen minutes. Wow. And to think my deciding factor on enrolling was looking at the professor’s photos on the Faculty Spotlight pages and scoping out the one that least resembled the Grim Reaper. As one of the Disney World cast members said when Ali and I lost our heads after procuring the front seats on the Thunder Mountain Railroad, “Sometimes you live right.”

In my desperate quest to justify driving home this weekend, I'm on the march to find an audio version of the Property or Torts legal outlines, so I could theoretically study whilst traveling. I can’t find a used one that will ship overnight, but I think if I have it sent home it might arrive by Saturday so I can listen on the way back.

In other local news, however, I e-mailed my “mentor” and he said he never attended the TA sessions, deeming them a waste of time. Whew.

Lost tonight. I hope it doesn't suck as much as it did last week. It's like they acquired an Emmy and abandoned their hitherto admirable quest to create an unforgettable program.

An Unfortunate Event

I woke up this morning with a scratchy, uncomfortable throat and I’d really like to stab the snot out of something in frustration. At first I thought it was in my head, but I’ve been sneezing all morning – not the paltry, clear-your-schnoz type of sneeze that can be circumvented by gazing at a bright light, but the kind that feels like it echoes from deep in your chest. ARGH. Unfortunately, I had to experience the wake-up-sick sensation twice, because I bounded out of bed and started getting ready only to realize the clock read quarter to four, not seven. Sheesh.

I registered for the Americans with Disabilities Statutory Interpretation course last night with little fanfare... unless all of a sudden I realize I royally screwed things up, which is entirely possible. But when I checked my spring schedule the class appeared, so I think I’m all right.

I also downloaded my Final Exam software. They have a special program you use on final exams that “locks out” your desktop and only allows you to access a Word Processing program, thereby thwarting all attempts to cheat or use unauthorized materials. Pretty nifty. If the thing crashes my hard drive, heads will roll.

Ready now? Chant with me: HAR-REE POTT-ERRR!

Mysteries.

Awful night of sleep, but I’ve pretty much concluded and proven the hypothesis that I can only consume caffeinated beverages at home. Apparently when I’m at school I have way too much adrenaline already surging and that little bit of added agitation nudges me over the edge.

Tonight I register for the one class next semester I get to “choose.” Unfortunately, we were offered four choices, and the one that sounded interesting to me (federal taxation) has been cancelled. I guess I’m going to try to go with the Americans with Disabilities act, because that will (allegedly) at least tap into the topic of how mental illness is allotted for under the law.

I’ve managed to plug through four hours of nonstop classes thus far. I was supposed to attend a seminar from 12 to 1 on Exam Writing, but it turns out the speaker decided to cop out and accepted an engagement at a different school, so we were just going to watch a video of him speaking, thereby negating our ability to ask questions and likely boring me into slumber the instant they dimmed the lights. The proctors did distribute a free book, though; a rather substantial one on exam writing, so I just acquired a copy and left. I always do better figuring things out for myself, anyway.

I don't know what to think about this weekend. I was intending to stay here for the first time as Thanksgving is next week and I really need to work on my outlines (but never seem to get enough done at home over the weekend). However, my Property professor sent our an e-mail cancelling class on Friday afternoon, which means I could leave at 12 instead of 3, effectively avoiding Chicago traffic and procuring at least three extra hours of home time. Grrrr. I suppose it's not today's issue.

When I got up to go to the bathroom last night around 2:30 or :45, the Koreans were up! I can hear their footsteps when they walk on the kitchen floor. Is there good television on at that hour, or what? Best time to roast rabbits, when the moon is at a particular angle? Hmm.

"You're Gonna Make It After All..."

I attended a tour of the Career Services office over lunch and am now sufficiently shaken. I picked up a copy of every pamphlet they offered, including “Obtaining a Legal Position in a Perilous Economy,” which I’m afraid to even crack the cover of. I did procure a recommendation for a book that (allegedly) clearly defines particular areas of practice and what lawyers in those areas do, but the book’s out of print, so I’m going to have to ferret it out on eBay. I have pretty much whittled it down to Business Law, Entertainment Law, Publishing Law (books, etc) or general private practice. I scheduled a meeting with the (allegedly) all-knowing Career Services guide next Tuesday, so I guess I’ll be able to scout out some other resources and get some input on which field I would best fit in to. There are a ton of optional seminars this week on everything from Resume Writing to Interviewing Techniques to Selecting Private or Public Practice, all of which I will be attending on penalty of guilt and fear that everybody else will be acquiring information while I remain ignorant.

Tomorrow’s going to be a really, really long day. I have a bunch of makeup classes, so I start at 9 in the morning and go to 12 with Contracts and Criminal Law, then I have an Exam Writing seminar from 12-1. Then a Torts makeup from 1:15 to 3, Writing from 3 to 4, and Property from 4 to 5. My brain is going to be a little puddle of slush by the end of the day.

Dad’s big on lists, and told me to make a list of all the things I like about living alone to push me to look “on the bright side.” (I would typically be inclined question his authority in this particular area of practice, but he’s been right about everything else thus far.) So here’s my list: (1) keeping “In Her Shoes” (fiction book) cracked open on the counter in the bathroom for maximum reading opportunity whilst brushing teeth, drying hair, etc. (2) Being able to keep the place cold without bothering anybody, thereby enabling me to bundle beneath a sheet, a foam blanket and three of the tapestry throw blankets I love so much to maximize my slumber experience. (3) Being able to burn incense and smelly candles to my heart’s content.

Last week campus was so pretty with row upon row of orange and yellow explosions on the trees. IT seems that over the weekend they all decided to be like the tree in Harry Potter and give themselves a good shake to rid themselves of all foliage – it looked like a Ghost Town when I pulled in this morning.

Every day at lunch while I’m cracking my can of tuna I think about Zippy, and half expect him to materialize.

We had to turn in a worksheet involving a zillion different ways to cite previous cases when writing memos and briefs, and had to obtain an 80% on it to pass the class (thus, it was a rather big deal, obviously). I got it back with a perfect score after suspecting a colossal failure. I guess I’m not a moron after all. ::Insert cheezy Mary Tyler Moore theme music here::

Choices...

I believe I mentioned that I attended a Final Exam Preparation seminar last week. Well, the dean, who also teaches my Criminal Law course, sends out a monthly letter to the college community (i.e. her underlings), and she opened this week’s letter thusly: "As I looked into the ashen faces of my first-year criminal law students last week during a session devoted to talking about how to prepare for first-semester exams, I got that slightly nauseous annual sensation that makes me feel as much like a 1L as our 1L's! For as I talked to them about exams, I was forced to contemplate the fact that as Thanksgiving approaches, so too do tasks as monumental as first-year exams..." Well. Thanks for instilling a fresh injection of fear!

I am now officially able to register for the Spring Semester as soon as my (allegedly) randomly-assigned registration start time arrives. Walking over to the Health Center and physically dropping off my letter from the Dean of Students really expedited the process. My time isn’t until 6pm two weeks from now, but I only get to choose one class, so I guess it's not that big of a deal. The other three requisites are: Statutory Interpretation ("Students will study how public policy concerns are reflected in statutory law, the role of legislative history and political debate on statutory interpretation, and the role of the courts in interpreting statutes" and we may choose from three sections, focusing on the Americans with Disabilities Act, Voting Rights, Fair Housing or Federal Income Tax); Introduction to Advocacy ("Students write and argue briefs at the trial and appellate level"); and Civil Procedure ("an overview of litigation, from the client's first office visit to the time judgment becomes final or the case is settled"). Hmm.

There’s something going on today regarding football (couldn’t tell you what; don’t ask), so the biggest student parking lot is closed today. As a result,, my otherwise moderately- busy parking streets orbiting the law school and the graveyard across the street instead accommodate an endless laundry line of cars that would otherwise hide in one of the prepaid lots that I have attempted so assiduously to acquire access to (I’m "on the list" and "might get on for next year" – how encouraging.)

What a beautiful day - 70 degrees in November!