Facedown in a Memory

“Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want. Go for it.”
- Patrick Verona, Heath Ledger’s character in 10 Things I Hate About You

So I’m on the running machine yesterday, listening to my iPod and kind of half-daydreaming as I glance over the shoulders of athletes on the row in front of me to be nosy and see what they’re watching when I catch a glimpse of the guy from 10 Things I Hate About You and the text below it, “Heath ledger Found Dead at 28.” The person changed the channel immediately but I fished around in the forties until I located CNN Headline news and, sure enough, the guy was found dead in a New York apartment with some sleeping pills nearby. I don’t know why this bothers me so much. I never particularly liked the guy - I found him arrogant and self-important, always speaking of his “craft” and degrading the press, Hollywood and everything associated therewith. I thought A Knight’s Tale was ludicrous, hated The Patriot and loathed Monster’s Ball, which resulted in my subsequent, unconscious boycott of every film in which he starred. But then over winter break, Dad and I went to see Sweeney Todd (which I positively, absolutely, wholeheartedly adored, and if Johnny Depp doesn’t finally acquire an Oscar we will officially know the entire awards show is a sham) and one of the previews before the film was for the new Batman movie. I have never particularly cared for the entire franchise and my fondness for Christian Bale does not extend beyond what he earned in Pretty Women, but the preview featured this Joker who seemed so pathologically insane, intense and beyond all possible reasoning that, as a former psychology major, I was intrigued to no end. I went home to investigate the film on the IMDB only to discover, with absolute and utter shock, that Heath Ledger was the Joker with whom I had so quickly become enamored! I could not believe the actor I had so callously dismissed could conjure such a fascinating psychological fulcrum. I was actually looking forward to The Dark Knight, the first Batman or James Bond film I could foresee myself voluntarily attending (instead of showing up with a cloak of interest to appease my social companions).

I don’t know why his death bothers me to such an extent. The only movie I liked him in was 10 Things I Hate About You, which he has repeatedly and openly renounced as a brainless teen movie he only took part in to crack the LA threshold. I guess because sleeping pills, to my mind, would be the way to go. Just figure out what they don’t mix with, fall asleep and never wake up. An overdose of them inhibits the body’s ability to breathe on its own, so you’d enter dreamland like Nemo and never return. The only disturbing thing is that he was found naked at the foot of his bed. Dr. Something-or-other on CNN stated that this is not an uncommon occurrence. Are you kidding me? I’m 24 and I’m trying to think of one time I have spent more than a split second exiting the shower unclothed... I cannot come up with one. Normal? Really? Maybe for Hollyweird, to borrow a Savage term.

Okay, It’s 8:14am and I’m sitting in my Complex Lit classroom and I just checked my e-mail and class is cancelled. She just sent the e-mail at 7:29 this morning. I could still be in bed. Thanks a lot, lady.

But, you know, they deem this entire event “tragic,” yet it’s the Marlon Brando versus James Dean thing. As Neil Young says, “Better to burn out than to fade away.” Now Heath will be forever young, and probably remembered for what might turn out to be his best role ever, as the Joker.

Jeez.