The Rules

Someone sent this out to the law school e-mail list, and I had to copy and save it for future reference. Very few things make me laugh out loud when I'm surrounded by people, but this was one of them....

From: Schneider, Joshua M. S
ent: Monday, August 20, 2007 5:02 PM
To:
Subject: The Rules

Dear Everyone:

As we enter a new year -- for some of us, our first in law school -- it seems worthwhile to remind ourselves of the appropriate uses of the mailing list. Acceptable uses of the mailing list are as follows:

(1) ads for used books;
(2) complaints about the number of ads for used books;
(3) ads for used supplements (legal);
(4) reminders to 1Ls, all of whom are vibrating at an extremely high frequency for the first couple of weeks of the semester, that it is crucial that they buy supplements (such as those listed for sale on the mailing list) if they have any hopes at all of ever securing a job; significant other; religious epiphany; or, if worst comes to worst, a warm grate to sleep on, out of the wind, and safely beyond the bounds of Angry Wilson's turf;
(5) accidentally sending extremely personal messages intended for a close friend to hundreds of strangers, none of whom were aware of your existence before, but all of whom now know enough about your intimate academic/medical/cat-sitting/romantic problems to casually but accurately judge you in the halls;
(6) sweeping and ill-considered statements on extremely controversial issues written late enough at night to be forgiven;
(7) wild overreactions to (6) in the form of either (a) ad hominem attacks written at equally forgivable hours, or (b) sanctimonious chidings which are capital offenses regardless of when they are written;
(8) concerned reminders in response to (7)(a), probably from the same people as (4), that law firms carefully monitor all law school mailing lists to cull the applicant pool, meaning that even the most innocent genitalia-based joke can condemn you to a life of back-breaking labor in the salt mines of public interest;
(9) playful responses to (5) and (7);
(10) bile-drenched responses to (9) from a hitherto entirely uninvolved party, often claiming to speak on behalf of the beleaguered 1Ls who are "under enough stress as it is" and are presumably incapable of navigating the delete button, despite have record high LSAT scores and being, according to Dean monthly newletter, the most physically attractive incoming class the College has ever had (19th in the nation, according to U.S. News and World Reports, just after Emory);
(12) reminders that there is a meeting Thursday at noon in room A, helpfully provided every hour on the hour for the 72 hours preceding the meeting;
(13) warnings not to miss the incredible one-time-only deal BARBRI has for its three day PowerMaxx(TM) bar preparation course and to act now. If you miss this incredible deal, you will be kicking yourself until this time next year when the deal is miraculously resurrected;
(11) complaints about parking.
If you have any questions, concerns, or comments about the acceptable uses listed above, please direct them to the entire list.

I can scarcely wait for the replies to start rolling in; they ought to be good. You guys think I'm acerbic... you have no idea. This ought to be good.