The Shadow Holds Sway . . .

“Night or day, the shadow never seems to fade away
And the sun don’t shine anymore, and the rains fall down on my door.”
- The Band, “It Makes No Difference”

. . . 45 days . . .

I don’t know what my problem is today. I got seven hours of sleep, so I should be fine, but I feel hung over (I think... I’ve never actually been hung over, but my current state seems quite similar to how I’ve heard one described). Lethargic, dizzy, thumping pulse, throbbing head, dizzy, fatigued, faint, did I mention dizzy?

It’s almost time for my Witness course to end and I’m going to try and walk this evening, although I would rather do just about anything else. Almost - not organic chemistry homework or babysitting. Huh - now that I think about it, maybe I’m hungry? I haven’t eaten since some zucchini this morning (don’t knock it - it’s my favorite food, followed closely by steamed broccoli and red delicious apples). How did I used to get through the day on naught except a few shots of espresso? Oh, yeah - the dreaded eating habit. sigh. Back to square one. I read online that an eating disorder is harder to kick than a smoking or drinking habit and I’m beginning to believe it. I wish . . . I dunno. I’m not even sure what would make me happy at this point. I can’t think of anything. I guess my myopic interpretation of my current situation is just the product of fatigue and depression, but it’s pathetic nevertheless.