The Shape I'm In

“This living alone will drive me crazy. . . Oh, you don’t know the shape I’m in.”
- Robbie Robertson / The Band

I’m in my dreaded PR course and concurrently dreading the MPRE tomorrow. I’m also not looking forward to my four-hour drive home tonight, my weekend of requisite starvation, or any other facet of my existence save graduation (if I don’t fail out). I guess such is the impact of clinical depression combined with sleep deprivation. Talk about a dangerous Molotov cocktail to the psyche. I just want to find a corner somewhere, lie down and sleep underground (an extension of the ostrich inclination). I woke up this morning at 5 and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I went into the kitchen and assembled another box of styrofoam peanuts that resolutely clutch my arms and fingers. I now have all my dishes packed . . . as I was assiduously bubble-wrapping my precious Alice in Wonderland-themed plates, I realized that in the past two and a half years, I had not used them once. Not even when Dad came to visit - we must have gone out to eat - or when Ali came to visit - she had a dinner packed that she brought with her. Strange. They’re so beautiful, though, so I guess preservation is an accomplishment. It’s kind of sad to see everything get packed away, but not really. I’m just realizing how much crap I have accumulated over the years - I’ll take anything, as the joke goes, so now I have to figure out what to do with it all. Sigh.

I can’t believe there’s one week until Spring Break, and I haven’t progressed any from my psychological low point. How stupid. This MPRE has been absorbing all my efforts that I should have been funneling into myself and pulling myself together. What a moron. Well, at least tomorrow it’s over and I’ll be “free” to focus on my demons. . . at least momentarily, before the exam crunch.

We have two marred guest speakers today, and they are two of the most boring individuals I’ve ever met. I pray to God I never turn out like that. I can’t even fathom such an existence.

Florida:
Want to see: the renovated Haunted Mansion, the renovated Spaceship Earth, the Flower Festival-decorated EPCOT
Want to do: get Dad on Soarin’ and Ali on the Rockin’ Roller Coaster if she’s so inclined (my beloved Tower of Terror might still be too much)
Want to get: a Ratatouille pin, a new Mickey watch and, most of all, a new attitude and a replenished motivation to pull myself together.