Nothing, Really

“That’s the trouble with the world. Too many people grow up.”
- Walt Disney

The Oscars blew. Johnny Depp didn’t win for Best Actor (will someone give that man an award, already? What, are we gonna wait until he’s dead to acknowledge his talent?), Saoirse Ronan didn’t win Best Supporting Actress (she was brilliant for a twelve-year-old!), Cate Blanchett didn’t win anything (I don’t know whether she deserved to, because I didn’t see either movie she starred in, but I just like her on principle), and Atonement didn’t win Best Picture. Booo. At least Ratatouille won Best Animated Feature, but did you see what it was up against? What was that first piece of crap, subtitled from French? It looked like a two-year-old scribbled it. The highlight of the evening was Steve Carrell presenting Best Animated Feature - he started waxing poetic about documentaries, was gently reminded by copresentor Anne Hathaway of the pertinent category, and then gaped at the ground and muttered an expletive that I was surprised the censors didn’t pounce upon. Hilarious. Otherwise, a grand bore all around. Did anyone see any of the crap movies that were up for the big ones? I sure didn’t. And what was with all the foreigners? This was an American awards ceremony, no? But I am going to borrow a line from a clip of George Clooney that I saw: “Do I look like I’m negotiating?” Nice. If I were famous I would have worn a Ratatouille pin from the parks and then made a show of claiming impartiality. I’m immensely glad that I’m not, but it’s cool to watch the red carpet procession and accompanying broadcasts on tv and recognize all the places in the background. Even the theater, where Dad and I took a tour and we sat in about the twentieth row to ask questions and even after the guide had expressly forbade us from having our phones on, his rang while she was speaking and I wanted to creep into a crack in the chairs like an androgynous, permeable liquid.

This morning in Trademarks, Professor Smith walked in at a particularly brisk clip and said in his trademark (sorry; couldn’t help it) expressionless monotone, “You may find this humorous, but I just got a phone call that my daughter stuck a small plastic toy up her nose. I need to go pick her up and take her to the doctor or the emergency room or whatever the situation requires, so class is cancelled for today.” Then in Real Estate, Professor McDonald said that if we wind up getting the predicted six inches of snow tonight, he won’t be able to get in to school tomorrow because (insert monotone drone here) the wind is coming from the North, which will blow a drift over his half-mile driveway and make it all but impossible for him to commute. In the words of Duckie from Pretty in Pink, do I thee offend? Is it me? Speaking of Real Estate, the girl who sits in front of me, Allison, changed her hair from dark blonde to red. It looks wonderful! I was so jealous.